A Survivor’s Story: Your Healing Journey Start Here

A Survivor’s Story: Your Healing Journey Start Here

“You are so strong! I don’t think I could have survived what you had to go through,” they would say to me. I didn’t feel so strong. Yet, I had to put on a strong face and find the strength to fight. I wasn’t just fighting another person, but fighting for myself.  It was a fight for custody of my daughter, but I was also fighting for my integrity, my freedom and my state of mind.

 

My husband was not just emotionally, verbally and financially abusive to me, but he took that abuse to the next level by having me arrested (for throwing a wedding album at him in retaliation for his verbal assault) in front of my two children. Then to add insult to injury he emptied the bank accounts and filed a restraining order to keep me out of our home and away from my six-year-old child. Then over the next year and a half he did everything legally and mentally possible to destroy my life.

“You are so strong! I don’t think I could have survived what you had to go through,” they would say to me.

There were many layers to my healing process; enough so that I will have to share them in a series of blogs. So, let’s start with the very beginning. I had to come clean…. with myself. I had to face myself and the reality of what had happened to me. I didn’t even realize what I experienced over those 7 years of marriage was abuse and was still finding it difficult to reconcile. Remembering to breathe. Taking a deep breath, and stop going far ahead into the future. Being present with where I was in that moment in time was difficult. My mind was like a squirrel. It took lots of practice. I knew I was safe at that moment. I had a roof over my head at that moment. I had food to eat, at that moment. There was no use in being worried about what he would do next. He would do something, so it was a matter of how I would respond to it. These little shifts started the ground work of my healing.

I had to come clean…. with myself. I had to face myself and the reality of what had happened to me.

I was in crisis mode. You may not be there, but you may still be triggered by your experience and need to take the simple steps of taking a deep breath, becoming aware of where you are at this moment, and know that now, in this moment and time, you are safe. Release the past, ignore the future and stay in the present.

 

Story submitted by Marjorie Phoenix, author of the book, Who The Hell Do You Think You Are? and founder of The Forgotten Women Project. 

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